Monday, May 13, 2013

Graduations and Pains

This past weekend has been bittersweet.

Congratulations to the Class of 2013. Congratulations to the people I came into college with. Congratulations, as I watch from behind.

It was sweet to see all my friends celebrate after four years of college. Their happiness and excitement are things they've earned. But it hit me as my class gathered together in their caps and gowns to take a picture together: I wasn't there with them. It was a sharp pain in my chest. Like the pang you feel in your heart as you look into a party where all your friends are gathered, but you're not invited.

I don't want to turn this into a sob story where you feel sorry for me. But this experience haunted me for the past few weeks.

"How do you feel about graduating?", "Did you get your cap and gown yet?", "Are your parents here this weekend?", "I didn't hear your name at convocation."

All of these were followed by an "Oh..."

I hear from every which way I turn to stay in college and that the real world sucks. Well, do you know what sucks? Seeing the people you came into college with move on without you. I can't blame anyone but myself for transferring majors late and dooming myself to an extra year of tuition.

As everyone smiled with their caps and gowns at the cameras in front of them, I looked on from the sideline with a fake smile and painfully wanted to be there too.