Tears and Frustration

I can't even type a sentence without deleting it seconds after I finish it. I'm in a state of blogger's block. I have two drafts saved that I wanted to blog but never did because I just don't want them to go public. Both posts are pretty deep, but I just couldn't post them after I read through it. Sure, I can post it and make it private, but then what's the point? I might as well have it stored in my mind for the rest of eternity.

When in doubt, just write about something easy and hope it gets good from there.

I guess I can write an update on life since it's been about a month since I've last posted. That's a month of school and whatnot to go through.

On the academic side, I'm feeling more stressed than ever. There have been three times in which I missed a bit of class to finish my assignments. My professors do not tolerate lateness. But I'm sure they'd rather have me come in late with my assignment than me on time with a half-done crap assignment. I've been pulling the "I missed the bus" or "I forgot to set my alarm" excuse when in reality I've just been up pulling my hair out. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't procrastinate and put everything off until 10 hours before class started.

It got to the point where I was ready to start bawling in the middle of class because I was so disappointed in myself for disappointing my professor when he has been nothing but supportive of me. He pulled me aside one class and commented how he loved my personality and loved working with "students with a bright and positive outlook and a comedic side, as well". From that point, I didn't want to let him down. Two weeks later, I'm late for class again. Not only was I late, but my project was utter crap. I had a whole mess of technical problems that bogged me down. I sat in my seat with my hands over my face holding back tears of anger and frustration. I didn't want to show my failure.

I cheered up at the end after seeing some of my other classmates were even worse than my project that came across so many roadblocks. It was nice knowing I wasn't at the bottom even when I wasn't at 100%. That may sound cocky, but whatever. I'm here to survive. I'm not going down even if that means other classmates failing.

I love Mondays-Wednesday afternoons. I don't have much homework to do. I guess I should do my homework early on these days so I don't spend all of Wednesday and Thursday nights racing against the clock. But it's hard to shed those procrastinating ways.