Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mental State and Good Company

Please don't get the wrong idea about me by reading this. I'm normally not this emotionally unstable.

I've been in a rut recently. An emotional rut. If you know me, you would know I don't really show my bad moods. I prefer to keep to myself and gradually disappear from the room without actually leaving it. Well, for those who know me and is reading you know how to tell when I'm not in a good mood. I absolutely hate it when people ask me "Are you alright?" but that's a much longer story. But I'll briefly touch upon it soon.

Anyways, back to being an emotional train wreck. I've been having dance practices every day of the week to prep up for the upcoming performances. Usually at these practices, I like to let myself go and just be the goof ball that I don't show when I'm at church. I guess it's just the way I want to present myself. I wanted to be someone people can look up to at church, hence why I held back on being a clown. "Wanted". Being a good model of Christianity is extremely difficult and that's also a story for another time. It's not that I don't want to be anymore, but I'd rather focus on things I can immediately do. That is more of something of a long term goal that I hope to achieve one day when I have things figured out.

Second time I got sidetracked. I'm normally a goof back home or dance practices here at Syracuse. This past week, I just let my foul mood stink up the room. There were a few factors. One, I tend to over think things a lot. It got to the point that I was over thinking aspects of my life that it just frustrated me. I cause myself unnecessary stress. Secondly, I don't like having things explained to me. I mean, if I'm confused or don't particularly understand something, then an explanation is more than welcome. But if I understand something completely and someone is still trying to explain it, then I just get ticked. I don't normally get angry easily, but that's just one thing that bothers me to no end. A few times during practices, I felt like a five year old being told why things should be one way or another.

Remember, I tend to keep to myself and gradually disappear from the room without really leaving it when I'm in a foul mood. Normally, in a larger setting with more people, no one would really notice. But there's less than ten people in the room and I'm always the loud one. Naturally, people think there's something wrong when the guy who normally can't stop cracking jokes just doesn't talk. So many times during those days I was unhappy (lack of a better word), I had to hear "Are you okay?" and "Is something wrong?" I understand people are just trying to care and help, but when I'm in that state of mind, I just want to be left alone.

So what's the point of this blog post? It's not to sound off as an unappreciative and emotional douchebag. There's more.

Maybe it was because I missed church the past two Fridays and Sunday that I didn't really have the mindset to talk to God or even some church friends. But I thank those who unknowingly got me back on a positive note. Just seeing some faces I haven't seen in like two weeks lifted my spirits. Smiling and joyful faces. Everyone has their own problems, but it's a thing of beauty when everyone can laugh together as a group of friends.

Never underestimate good company. Sometimes all we need are a few friends, lots of laughter, and impeccable timing by God.


  1. Stan, this is my honest opinion, and I don't mean to offend you in anyway. I apologize in advance if I do. But, I really think that it's alright for you to show your true emotions/self with the people around you. It's okay to be angry, sad, happy, excited, OR be a goofball, a role model, etc. Opening up and letting out that inner emotion is much healthier for your state of mind, and the people around you should appreciate you for who you are. I assure you that the people who love you will fully accept you (no matter how weird or maybe serious you are). Anyways, I'm happy to hear that God gave you good company and brought you back to church :)

  2. If you really have the mindset of not wanting to stink up a room with your foul mood, you and I both know that enough pressure is enough to make any coke bottle pop. So rather than building it up and having it pop at a terrible time (aka ruin good company), pass it on to Someone who has already won over it for you. Sometimes pride says you gotta keep your feelings to yourself, partially true. But pride also keeps us away from the One we need most. Besides, He's eager to talk, so why not? ;)