Monday, April 4, 2011

Jitters and Stages

I love performing on stage. Before Saturday, the last time I performed on stage was in my senior year of high school. I almost forgot how it felt like. Then I relived the feeling.

The weeks prepping before the big day are tumultuous. I was in charge of my group's performance in high school, so I understand the hair-pulling and frustration that goes with being in charge. The yelling, the laughs, the anticipation, but not the stress. Most people stress. I did not. I still didn't feel it. I was more engrossed in the NCAA and finishing my projects. The stress didn't hit me again this time. That is until I saw the first act of the night perform. It wasn't that I was stressed about being on stage. More like I was afraid I'd miss a step. I cringe at myself every time I make a slight mistake.

Then there's the pre-show action. Every thing from dress rehearsals to last minute run-throughs. It's like being on a set of a movie. Everyone is doing something. Everyone is rushing around. Not to sound lazy, but I think it's fun to watch.

There's being on stage. Right before I go on, I feel all tense and nervous. But the moment I step on stage, it's all gone. I don't feel tense anymore. I'm not nervous. It's all gone. The audience is just one big mass in front of me. I'm not sure what kind of mass. Just one big black blob. I barely think about what I'm doing on stage. My body remembers all the practice leading up to that moment and just repeats it to the music. I catch myself thinking here and there to ensure as close to perfect as I can.

Finally, there's the feeling after your performance is done. It goes by in an instant. A full run through of the performance in practice seems like to last forever. But on stage, it's done in a flash. I may never understand this lapse of time in my mind. But the feeling afterwards is one of relief like the world and it's moon has been lifted off my shoulders. Everything becomes surreal. I can't wait until I can be on a stage again.

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